tv: May 2008 Archives

1. Change that outside light bulb that's been burned out for, like, four weeks.

2. Pretend like it didn't matter, that it's just a stupid TV show, dammit.

3. Go to Push Ultra Lounge to see Palantine and Experimental Pilot.

4. Shower, for Chrissakes. I smellz like dieing.

5. Finish reading the Sex And The City issue of Entertainment Weekly, so it doesn't look like I'm stretching it out until the premiere.

6. Walk the dog. Milo is, seriously, a box of bon-bons away from being the sane young male dog version of a crazy old cat lady shut-in.

7. Edit Crider's Dethklok story.

8. Finish writing that song about the chick that dumps her boyfriend's body into the Bay, but it's not what you think.

9. Wash all the dishes, as opposed to just enough to make the dish rack seem kind of full.

10. The hustle.

"They're racist against tall people."
-- Some girl on the season premiere of So You Think You Can Dance that didn't make the cut.

Dear Television,

Please stop airing the following commercials immediately, on every channel, between 5:30 and 7:30 p.m. EST:

The one where the giant stream of urine arcs into the frame to strike the tip of the pregnancy test.

The one where the giant roach tries to get into the house by posing as a pizza delivery guy.

The one where Dirty Jobs host Mike Rowe crawls under the condemned house and holds the dead rat up by its tail.

The one for the new Discovery Channel series Verminators.

The one where the cartoon parent bear cleans all the little balls of used toilet paper out of the cartoon baby bear's ass hair.

The one for Speed Racer. (What? All that color and motion can be a little nauseating.)

Any one for anything a woman might or might not wear inside her panties during a certain time of the month.

All of the ones for No Reservations that show Anthony Bourdain eating, like, wild boar anus or bone soup or whatever.

Thank you in advance for your prompt and considerate action,
Ravis