Ravis: April 2008 Archives
The Bitter, Aging Hipster is nearing 40. He no longer enjoys the
lavish attentions of the music, film and energy drink industries. (He
actually thinks the energy drink industry has something to do with
magic, or voodoo, or some shit.) But despite his anger at the
unavoidable realization that he's no longer ad candy, the B,AH feels he
has wisdom to pass on to the next generation of vapid, trendy,
self-absorbed teens and twentysomethings who express their
individuality by firmly entrenching themselves within a uniform group
of like-minded kids who somehow still think they're all alone and
misunderstood in the big bad world. So, every week, he answers two
made-up questions about Living In The Mainstream While Still Pretending
To Be Original with warmth, understanding and love. Except without
those three things.
Dear B, AH,
I read a post on your blog a couple of weeks ago that quoted Anthony Bourdain talking about his love for pork. I won't ask you how you could possibly support a man who so vocally endorses an industry that tortures and discomforts animals for their entire lives before murdering them so others can eat them, because you're obviously one of their target market. I just want to know how you can live with yourself, eating and wearing animals every day. In this day and age, the mistreatment of food animals is established fact. So are the various health problems associated with consuming meat. Don't you feel bad about being a link in that chain, much less mentioning it in such a public forum?
Urthgurl88
Dear B, AH,
I read a post on your blog a couple of weeks ago that quoted Anthony Bourdain talking about his love for pork. I won't ask you how you could possibly support a man who so vocally endorses an industry that tortures and discomforts animals for their entire lives before murdering them so others can eat them, because you're obviously one of their target market. I just want to know how you can live with yourself, eating and wearing animals every day. In this day and age, the mistreatment of food animals is established fact. So are the various health problems associated with consuming meat. Don't you feel bad about being a link in that chain, much less mentioning it in such a public forum?
Urthgurl88
Continue reading Ask The Bitter, Aging Hipster: Sucking on Ribs, and Just Sort of Sucking.
This week's good goes to Yuengling lager. For months, I just hadn't been in the mood for one - the flavor just hit me the wrong way one day, after years of enjoying 'em. But I gave America's Oldest Brewery - which has a location right across the bay in Tampa, even though some crappy local joints still insist on charging import/microbrew prices for a bottle - another shot Saturday night, and yeah, it's back in the rotation.
This week's bad goes to one of my freelance accounts, who shall remain nameless. The company's monthly checks usually come like clockwork; this time around, it's a few days late and, well, let's just say I kind of freakin' need it.
This week's ugly is singularly so. Some fucking sadistic kid "in his late teens or early 20s, 6 feet tall, thin build, short hair, no shirt" beat a cat to death in our neighborhood two weeks ago. (The notice just appeared in our local neighborhood news bulletin this week.) What's worse, it wasn't a stray - not that beating a stray cat to death isn't reason enough to put the asshole in the hospital - but a family pet. If you live in the Kenwood area of St. Petersburg, go to www.WhoKilledAmy.com and see if you can help identify a certain young African-American male who should shortly be taking his meals through a straw.
This week's bad goes to one of my freelance accounts, who shall remain nameless. The company's monthly checks usually come like clockwork; this time around, it's a few days late and, well, let's just say I kind of freakin' need it.
This week's ugly is singularly so. Some fucking sadistic kid "in his late teens or early 20s, 6 feet tall, thin build, short hair, no shirt" beat a cat to death in our neighborhood two weeks ago. (The notice just appeared in our local neighborhood news bulletin this week.) What's worse, it wasn't a stray - not that beating a stray cat to death isn't reason enough to put the asshole in the hospital - but a family pet. If you live in the Kenwood area of St. Petersburg, go to www.WhoKilledAmy.com and see if you can help identify a certain young African-American male who should shortly be taking his meals through a straw.
Sometimes, I'd rather not go out and see a great band or hoist a few with friends on various weeknights because I don't want to miss certain television programs. I'm either old, or so technologically bassackwards that I don't have a TiVo, or even that DVR the cable company will bring to your house, hook up for you and show you how to use for, like, seven extra bucks a month.
Or both.
Yeah, it's both. Shh, little lady, gampy's watchin' his stories. Because they're on right now, and I'll never be able to see 'em again, since we don't have any of them VCR tapes that don't have cherished episodes of Taxi and Cheers on 'em, and I can't figure out how to work the dadburn remote control anyways. Would you be a dear and get Gampy one of them there knitted blankets that are mostly holes? It's cold in here.
(Also, is it officially OK to use TiVo in the general, like Coke and Band-Aid and Jell-O? Discuss.)
Or both.
Yeah, it's both. Shh, little lady, gampy's watchin' his stories. Because they're on right now, and I'll never be able to see 'em again, since we don't have any of them VCR tapes that don't have cherished episodes of Taxi and Cheers on 'em, and I can't figure out how to work the dadburn remote control anyways. Would you be a dear and get Gampy one of them there knitted blankets that are mostly holes? It's cold in here.
(Also, is it officially OK to use TiVo in the general, like Coke and Band-Aid and Jell-O? Discuss.)
Business- and media-centric blogs have been afire today over the news of Wall Street Journal editor Marcus Brauchli resigning his post.
A lot of it is the usual speculation regarding ongoing changes at the paper since it was purchased four months ago by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. (A quick recap for the uninitiated: Murdoch owns a ton of media outlets, many of which have been accused of parroting his right-wing politics - basically, liberals think he's the Devil, and conservatives think he's got more than enough metric assloads of money to qualify as awesome.) None of it, however, delves deeply enough into the news to answer what I consider to be the most relevant and important question it begs:
How come no one has opened a really upscale vegetarian restaurant called Brauchli?
A lot of it is the usual speculation regarding ongoing changes at the paper since it was purchased four months ago by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. (A quick recap for the uninitiated: Murdoch owns a ton of media outlets, many of which have been accused of parroting his right-wing politics - basically, liberals think he's the Devil, and conservatives think he's got more than enough metric assloads of money to qualify as awesome.) None of it, however, delves deeply enough into the news to answer what I consider to be the most relevant and important question it begs:
How come no one has opened a really upscale vegetarian restaurant called Brauchli?
This week's good goes to Have Gun, Will Travel's CD release party at Ybor City's Crowbar on Friday night. Having witnessed a mixed record of attendance at the place, I was pleasantly surprised by an impressive turnout, and to see a lot of folks I haven't communed with in a while. The band rocked and the liquor flowed a bit too freely, two factors which always make for the kind of memorable evening you only sort of remember.
This week's bad goes to the DVD release of Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem. Just call me a sucker because I keep hoping for a return to the Alien franchise's fine form of the Ridley Scott and James Cameron classics. The second installment of this offshoot story wasn't as anonymous as Paul W.S. "Video Game Graphics, Shitty Techno Score" Anderson's '04 launch, but it was too dark in color, too dumb in content and generally disappointing nonetheless. Like I said, blame me for expecting more.
This week's ugly goes to the weakest cold opening and "Weekend Update" segments since SNL came back from the writers' strike. Hopefully it's just a bump in the road and the show will remain on a roll; the new stuff is the funniest in a long, long time for a program that's dragged since Phil Hartman's heartbreaking demise.
This week's bad goes to the DVD release of Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem. Just call me a sucker because I keep hoping for a return to the Alien franchise's fine form of the Ridley Scott and James Cameron classics. The second installment of this offshoot story wasn't as anonymous as Paul W.S. "Video Game Graphics, Shitty Techno Score" Anderson's '04 launch, but it was too dark in color, too dumb in content and generally disappointing nonetheless. Like I said, blame me for expecting more.
This week's ugly goes to the weakest cold opening and "Weekend Update" segments since SNL came back from the writers' strike. Hopefully it's just a bump in the road and the show will remain on a roll; the new stuff is the funniest in a long, long time for a program that's dragged since Phil Hartman's heartbreaking demise.
Yeah, so I haven't posted in a bit. Argh. Lots of crap happening. Also, I write for a living, and sometimes I'm just plum out of funny, incredibly insightful sentences by the time I open this window and a nice bottle of Australian Shiraz (read: Cuervo Classico). When I washed dishes to pay the rent, my sink at home looked like a recreation of Pompeii grown organically in my own oversized petri dish.
Anyhoo, Terminator 2: Judgment Day has been on AMC this week, which reminded me of a humorous anecdote. I originally saw the movie in a theater on the south side of Tampa that showed first-run flicks for a buck. My old roommate and I scored a pint of Jack Daniel's for the packed opening-night event. We bought our Cokes at the counter and were lucky enough to find two seats right next to one another after fortifying our beverages in the restroom.
As the lights dimmed and previews rolled, the large young guy to my right leaned over and said to me:
"That's one strong whiskey and Coke, brother. I can smell it."
The dude didn't look like he was complaining about it, so I asked him if he wanted a sip.
"No thanks," he replied. "I'm tripping my balls off."
Anyhoo, Terminator 2: Judgment Day has been on AMC this week, which reminded me of a humorous anecdote. I originally saw the movie in a theater on the south side of Tampa that showed first-run flicks for a buck. My old roommate and I scored a pint of Jack Daniel's for the packed opening-night event. We bought our Cokes at the counter and were lucky enough to find two seats right next to one another after fortifying our beverages in the restroom.
As the lights dimmed and previews rolled, the large young guy to my right leaned over and said to me:
"That's one strong whiskey and Coke, brother. I can smell it."
The dude didn't look like he was complaining about it, so I asked him if he wanted a sip.
"No thanks," he replied. "I'm tripping my balls off."
Well, it seems that Anheuser-Busch has decided to follow the visionary trend of taking a crappy beer that tastes pretty much like nothing, and adding some citrus to make it taste a little like what cheap people in cheap restaurants do to tap water in the name of fooling themselves. This is obviously the latest attempt to capture the interest of that fraction of the drinking public that doesn't like beer (read: fifteen-year-old girls, some rich and/or really image-invested gay dudes), and is waiting impatiently for the next rung of the wine cooler-to-Zima-to-Mike's Hard Whatever-to-Bacardi Silver evolutionary ladder to appear on the horizon.
Now, I've been known to drink Bud Light on occasion - and by "on occasion," I mean when it's free, or almost free, or I'm buying beer for several heavy drinkers, or when I'm so broke it's all I can afford to drink and still tip. I don't mind drinking cheap beer. But that's what Bud Light is. It's a utility beer, not a first choice, and putting lime flavor in it isn't going to elevate its status any more than McDonald's putting spicy brown mustard on their cheeseburger is going to make me opt for one when I've got Hardee's Thickburger money in my pocket.
After the jump, ten things I'd rather find in a bottle of Bud Light than a hint of lime:
Now, I've been known to drink Bud Light on occasion - and by "on occasion," I mean when it's free, or almost free, or I'm buying beer for several heavy drinkers, or when I'm so broke it's all I can afford to drink and still tip. I don't mind drinking cheap beer. But that's what Bud Light is. It's a utility beer, not a first choice, and putting lime flavor in it isn't going to elevate its status any more than McDonald's putting spicy brown mustard on their cheeseburger is going to make me opt for one when I've got Hardee's Thickburger money in my pocket.
After the jump, ten things I'd rather find in a bottle of Bud Light than a hint of lime:
Continue reading On The Subject of Bud Light Lime.
This week's good goes to the insane 28-foot downhill putt I made to birdie the sixth hole at Twin Brooks. Roger the Yank saw it. And I'm not being one of those golf dudes who makes a lot of good shots, and congratulates himself on every one, like Jesus in Family Guy. I totally suck at golf; this is closer to a give-the-special-kid-a-ribbon-just-for-finishing-the-race-without-setting-his-own-pants-on-fire-somehow kind of deal. I was just an instrument of the universe, man.
This week's bad goes to Bay Area air conditioning service company Minardi Air. First they called to renege on their 4-to-7 appointment for Friday, after 4 and long after Becks left work early in order to be at the house. Then, they didn't show up for the rescheduled noon-to-2 appointment for Saturday, or even call. Sure, the appointment was only for a $24.99 maintenance service special, but it probably would've led to more work. And a customer is a customer and a customer, so seriously, screw 'em.
This week's ugly goes to Lara Flynn Boyle.
This week's bad goes to Bay Area air conditioning service company Minardi Air. First they called to renege on their 4-to-7 appointment for Friday, after 4 and long after Becks left work early in order to be at the house. Then, they didn't show up for the rescheduled noon-to-2 appointment for Saturday, or even call. Sure, the appointment was only for a $24.99 maintenance service special, but it probably would've led to more work. And a customer is a customer and a customer, so seriously, screw 'em.
This week's ugly goes to Lara Flynn Boyle.
