Really, Really Bad Movies I Love, And Own: Evolution
Of the dozen or so folks who remember it, many see this completely over-the-top 2001 alien-invasion spoof as David Duchovny's third or fourth failed attempt to finish the move to the big screen big leagues he started with Kalifornia. I see it in a different, more flattering light; I see it, along with his appearance in Zoolander the same year, as the point at which he stopped giving a crap about following a career arc that didn't interest him in the first place, and had some absurdist fun before continuing to direct, shine in indie fare, and embody complex TV characters.
And Evolution is nothing if not absurd. Critics who note that it pales in comparison to iconic '80s comedy director Ivan Reitman's best work are completely right (derf), but they're also missing the point. Evolution is half-baked, half-assed and smug in the assumption that it isn't entertaining viewers half as much as it's entertaining itself. But, massive box-office grosses aside, that's a pretty good description of Ghostbusters, too.
And Evolution is nothing if not absurd. Critics who note that it pales in comparison to iconic '80s comedy director Ivan Reitman's best work are completely right (derf), but they're also missing the point. Evolution is half-baked, half-assed and smug in the assumption that it isn't entertaining viewers half as much as it's entertaining itself. But, massive box-office grosses aside, that's a pretty good description of Ghostbusters, too.
Movie: Evolution, 2001
Plot: Meteorite nearly kills the Dude, Where's My Car? dude (and his car). Mulder, undercover as a broke-down community college teacher who used to work for the government, investigates with partner Scully, who's undercover as a 7up pitch man. Organisms in the meteorite grow into, like, 458 different and completely unrelated creatures. One of them farts after it dies; another one eats a The Douchebag Who Had It Coming; another enacts a citizen's arrest on The Shoplifting Hipster. Julianne Moore arrives to exemplify genius miscasting. The Totally Inept Military does its thing. Sarah Silverman takes off the shirt she stole from Mulder. Dan Aykroyd does Reitman a favor and shows up on set for a couple of days. Do Mulder, Black Funnyman Scully, Dude and Julianne Moore come up with a completely unbelievable plan to win the day? Why, of course they do.
Five Reasons Why It's Watchable:
1. The movie makes exactly zero concessions to seriousness. It blows by quirky with nary a glance in its rush to get to Full Blown Silly, and stay there for the duration. There's something both endearing and engaging about a New Millennium popcorn flick that doesn't even feel like pretending to pretend that it might be a little cool, maybe. You've gotta respect a movie in which the Big Solution To Everything is a guess Duchovny makes while reading the back of Moore's t-shirt. If it had been made using socks and old flannel shirts with tennis ball eyes as the monsters instead of computer animation, it would be a bona fide camp cult classic.
2. Its roster of Recognizable People You Know From Something Else is in the medium-high range, which is always fun. In addition to Silverman, Ethan Suplee, Ted "Buffalo Bill" Levine, and Ty "That Prick from the Dawn of the Dead Remake" Burrell figure prominently, and one Kyle Gass makes an appearance, among others.
3. An endless fusillade of lines so bad they're just pretty much incredible, from complete non sequiturs ("Garters? At a day function?") to Orlando Jones telling Moore it doesn't matter what flavor ice cream she brings him, because it's for his ass.
4. Something happens to Orlando Jones that requires him to put ice cream on his ass.
5. Even Seann William Scott is tolerable, if only because he so successfully sends up that character he plays in every other movie that you start to believe he's not really that dude, he's just so good at being that dude he can totally play that dude meta, and your brain starts to hurt, but just until the monster farts after it dies.
Plot: Meteorite nearly kills the Dude, Where's My Car? dude (and his car). Mulder, undercover as a broke-down community college teacher who used to work for the government, investigates with partner Scully, who's undercover as a 7up pitch man. Organisms in the meteorite grow into, like, 458 different and completely unrelated creatures. One of them farts after it dies; another one eats a The Douchebag Who Had It Coming; another enacts a citizen's arrest on The Shoplifting Hipster. Julianne Moore arrives to exemplify genius miscasting. The Totally Inept Military does its thing. Sarah Silverman takes off the shirt she stole from Mulder. Dan Aykroyd does Reitman a favor and shows up on set for a couple of days. Do Mulder, Black Funnyman Scully, Dude and Julianne Moore come up with a completely unbelievable plan to win the day? Why, of course they do.
Five Reasons Why It's Watchable:
1. The movie makes exactly zero concessions to seriousness. It blows by quirky with nary a glance in its rush to get to Full Blown Silly, and stay there for the duration. There's something both endearing and engaging about a New Millennium popcorn flick that doesn't even feel like pretending to pretend that it might be a little cool, maybe. You've gotta respect a movie in which the Big Solution To Everything is a guess Duchovny makes while reading the back of Moore's t-shirt. If it had been made using socks and old flannel shirts with tennis ball eyes as the monsters instead of computer animation, it would be a bona fide camp cult classic.
2. Its roster of Recognizable People You Know From Something Else is in the medium-high range, which is always fun. In addition to Silverman, Ethan Suplee, Ted "Buffalo Bill" Levine, and Ty "That Prick from the Dawn of the Dead Remake" Burrell figure prominently, and one Kyle Gass makes an appearance, among others.
3. An endless fusillade of lines so bad they're just pretty much incredible, from complete non sequiturs ("Garters? At a day function?") to Orlando Jones telling Moore it doesn't matter what flavor ice cream she brings him, because it's for his ass.
4. Something happens to Orlando Jones that requires him to put ice cream on his ass.
5. Even Seann William Scott is tolerable, if only because he so successfully sends up that character he plays in every other movie that you start to believe he's not really that dude, he's just so good at being that dude he can totally play that dude meta, and your brain starts to hurt, but just until the monster farts after it dies.
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