Betrothed! Part 5: Til What Now Who Parts Who?
Last year, my buddy's brother was making plans with his fiance, I don't know the exact direction of the conversation, but at some point she remarked offhandedly that they probably wouldn't be married very long in any case.
He must've noticed that she wasn't laughing as hard as he was at her little joke, because he asked if she was serious. When she allowed that she was - I imagine with a line like, 'really, though, I mean, do you actually see us spending the rest of our lives together?' - he reacted in what, in my humble opinion, is the only way any sane person should:
He tossed her out of a relationship she obviously had no business being a part of, and immediately got on with his life.
She probably still doesn't see what the big deal was.
He must've noticed that she wasn't laughing as hard as he was at her little joke, because he asked if she was serious. When she allowed that she was - I imagine with a line like, 'really, though, I mean, do you actually see us spending the rest of our lives together?' - he reacted in what, in my humble opinion, is the only way any sane person should:
He tossed her out of a relationship she obviously had no business being a part of, and immediately got on with his life.
She probably still doesn't see what the big deal was.
I'm neither old-fashioned nor naive. I realize that people marry for reasons other than true love, or just love, or even the perceived potential for love. People marry for money, or for status, or for security, or because they're tired of being alone, and they're getting older, and the person with whom they're currently sharing bed-space and times that don't suck is honestly a lot cooler than the last six people they dated, and kind of cute in a way that's heavily influenced by the fact that the times don't suck.
I don't understand it, but I realize it happens.
I realize that divorce, like shit, also happens. This, I understand. People change. People make irrevocable mistakes. People become disappointed when their expectations aren't met, which is often just another way of saying that they get tired of working to reinforce delusions that maybe should've been addressed earlier. And that's bad. But like I said, it happens.
What I can't wrap my head around, is the idea that somebody, anybody would get up in front of their loved ones and closest friends and pledge themselves to another thinking, feeling human being - FOR LIFE - when they already strongly suspect that it's crap. It ain't an interview for a lame-ass job you know you're gonna quit the first time you're too hung over to go in, or when you've got enough money put away for a few months' rent. It's a union, and it usually involves somebody who honestly believes that he or she is naming you as guardian and keeper of their heart and soul.
I've joked around about doing it for the full set of nice wine glasses (Becks and I break a lot of them for some weird reason - not any other glasses, just wine glasses) and the stainless toaster oven. But I still have a hard time believing some people truly aren't thinking too far beyond that.
I can completely get behind lovers living together forever without making it official. And I can accept that when a married couple has tried it all and it's just not working, that maybe calling it off is the only thing left. But every time I hear somebody use "the sanctity of marriage" as a rationalization for denying gay couples the right to marry, I think of my buddy's brother and his cynical, presumptuous ex. Where's the sanctity in 'eh, whatever, it'll be fun for a minute'? I never thought I'd get married because I never thought I'd be able to say 'til death do us part' and know without a doubt I'd do whatever it takes to live up to that promise, and enjoy it to boot.
And if you don't think you can do it, you sure as hell shouldn't say it.
I don't understand it, but I realize it happens.
I realize that divorce, like shit, also happens. This, I understand. People change. People make irrevocable mistakes. People become disappointed when their expectations aren't met, which is often just another way of saying that they get tired of working to reinforce delusions that maybe should've been addressed earlier. And that's bad. But like I said, it happens.
What I can't wrap my head around, is the idea that somebody, anybody would get up in front of their loved ones and closest friends and pledge themselves to another thinking, feeling human being - FOR LIFE - when they already strongly suspect that it's crap. It ain't an interview for a lame-ass job you know you're gonna quit the first time you're too hung over to go in, or when you've got enough money put away for a few months' rent. It's a union, and it usually involves somebody who honestly believes that he or she is naming you as guardian and keeper of their heart and soul.
I've joked around about doing it for the full set of nice wine glasses (Becks and I break a lot of them for some weird reason - not any other glasses, just wine glasses) and the stainless toaster oven. But I still have a hard time believing some people truly aren't thinking too far beyond that.
I can completely get behind lovers living together forever without making it official. And I can accept that when a married couple has tried it all and it's just not working, that maybe calling it off is the only thing left. But every time I hear somebody use "the sanctity of marriage" as a rationalization for denying gay couples the right to marry, I think of my buddy's brother and his cynical, presumptuous ex. Where's the sanctity in 'eh, whatever, it'll be fun for a minute'? I never thought I'd get married because I never thought I'd be able to say 'til death do us part' and know without a doubt I'd do whatever it takes to live up to that promise, and enjoy it to boot.
And if you don't think you can do it, you sure as hell shouldn't say it.
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